22.08.07

Whoever decided to send the Russians a pirate copy of ‘Rocky Balboa’ for Christmas needs to be slapped around the face with numerous dead fish.

Rule one in world domination; never ever remind an 80’s superpower full of muscle and ignorance, trained in the snow, tough as old boots with little between the ears but good for fighting and wailing like a wounded walrus, that they possibly, possibly might have another shot at the title.

Impossible odds I hear you say, the world’s moved on, new fresh faced champions who don’t even remember dear old Rocky. Just a movie at the end of the day, not real, bit of a fairytale.

So why then are we now seeing pictures of Putin with his shirt off? Why then is Russia, as the guardian puts it ‘resuming long-range missions by strategic bomber aircraft’? RAF ‘Tornados were scrambled to warn of Russian Bear aircraft’.

Shoo, shoo, shoo little bear cub.

Just don’t play them the White Album backwards. Got consequences written all over it.

The Independent has decided to put Bertrand Des Pallieres across their knee today to highlight the growing problem in this country of ignorant rich people. Evil Pallieres, when told that his £80,000 Maserati was in the pound awaiting collection said ‘he was “too busy” setting up new businesses to fetch his car’. Proceeding to wait 3 months; the bare faced cheek.

And Mark Steel wants to talk about football or conflict, which ever way you choose to look at it

“Women love me” says humble Nanu Ram Jogi, the oldest father in the world at just 90. “Yeah, I was just really inspired by that Rocky Balboa film last year, so I just want to show I can still hack it physically, you know?” he almost certainly never said in the Times.

Grandpa Telegraph has been smoking the wrong pipe again and as a result has nothing remotely interesting to say. Drugs are bad kids, very very bad.

The Daily Mail is worried about Immigrants and the Sun has some breasts on page 3.