Showing posts with label Waffle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Waffle. Show all posts
Monday, 29 September 2008
Friday, 24 August 2007
None The Wiser, Never Will Be
Should we begin to question God’s motives for a ‘Perfect World’ when you take into account the pitfalls we encounter on a regular basis?
Whilst I am happy to accept that there are things within our universe that I will never be able to understand; time travel, astrophysics, Gary Neville at right back, etc. Surely, does it not make divine sense to grant us the ability to comprehend those things that affect us directly?
I do not ask for a level of knowledge to enter mindless quizzes, nor do I request entry into MENSA, but perhaps maybe, just maybe I might be graced with the appropriate number of brain cells to muddle through life without the confused facial expression that I almost permanently seem to maintain; a small favour to ask surely?
Consider our inability to understand the opposite sex.
Why would the ultimate force in the universe make it all but impossible to grasp an opposing view on life, especially when it provides one of the main stumbling blocks to relationships/children/the survival of mankind?
God therefore is a Muppet.
We can strive all our lives to successfully decode our counterparts thought processes, yet try as we might, we always seem to fall short of complete comprehension.
Yes these verses are laced with humour and yes this is one of the many questions where the writer is struck with an inability to answer. And yes the writer is male so he can only relate to a male point of view. Apologies, the late edition will almost certainly include a female rationale.
I have digressed into mindless sarcasm. But please won’t someone write a text concise and accessible enough for a simpleton such as myself, to grasp the workings of a female mind.
Man would certainly benefit, God should take note; when the saviour returns for a second visit won’t he please bring with him such a text.
I pray before I sleep.
Whilst I am happy to accept that there are things within our universe that I will never be able to understand; time travel, astrophysics, Gary Neville at right back, etc. Surely, does it not make divine sense to grant us the ability to comprehend those things that affect us directly?
I do not ask for a level of knowledge to enter mindless quizzes, nor do I request entry into MENSA, but perhaps maybe, just maybe I might be graced with the appropriate number of brain cells to muddle through life without the confused facial expression that I almost permanently seem to maintain; a small favour to ask surely?
Consider our inability to understand the opposite sex.
Why would the ultimate force in the universe make it all but impossible to grasp an opposing view on life, especially when it provides one of the main stumbling blocks to relationships/children/the survival of mankind?
God therefore is a Muppet.
We can strive all our lives to successfully decode our counterparts thought processes, yet try as we might, we always seem to fall short of complete comprehension.
Yes these verses are laced with humour and yes this is one of the many questions where the writer is struck with an inability to answer. And yes the writer is male so he can only relate to a male point of view. Apologies, the late edition will almost certainly include a female rationale.
I have digressed into mindless sarcasm. But please won’t someone write a text concise and accessible enough for a simpleton such as myself, to grasp the workings of a female mind.
Man would certainly benefit, God should take note; when the saviour returns for a second visit won’t he please bring with him such a text.
I pray before I sleep.
Tuesday, 21 August 2007
The Ruler & The Contender
Have we reached a major ideological turning point? Where traditional ideas of what it means to be politically left or right wing have all but collapsed
No longer can I see a clear defining political image, representing an ideal to which I choose to show strong support and enlist. Yet the process has not failed, neither has any strive for the greater good been lost. I believe not in one party, the rights of left nor the lefts of right, the process and the process alone has my vote.
Voices separated by only distinct colouring, challenging an altogether common belief into thrashing any pitfalls from the direction we take. This process that develops with a rapidity matched only by the humanity that created it. We choose as one to freshen our lead, we choose as one to allow role reversal, to allow a process which in its nature of Ruler and Contender, enables each party an attempt to strive forward and time to reassess its position within a very ‘modern’ dilemma, all on the same rhythmic beat as the changing world in which we live.
There is no doubt that our leaders falter, the process is far from perfect and there will always be significant restructuring required, but as long as such development remains a possibility there will always be hope.
Conservative, Labour/Democratic, Republican. If the leadership is achieving all I expect and at least some of what I hope, then would it not be a sensible move to always vote for them again? If change is required then change will have my favour. I have no party nor do have a strong desire to be associated with one, I hope that perhaps someday soon my political fuse will be lit, but in the mean time I can live safe in the knowledge that the process itself continues to serve its purpose.
No longer can I see a clear defining political image, representing an ideal to which I choose to show strong support and enlist. Yet the process has not failed, neither has any strive for the greater good been lost. I believe not in one party, the rights of left nor the lefts of right, the process and the process alone has my vote.
Voices separated by only distinct colouring, challenging an altogether common belief into thrashing any pitfalls from the direction we take. This process that develops with a rapidity matched only by the humanity that created it. We choose as one to freshen our lead, we choose as one to allow role reversal, to allow a process which in its nature of Ruler and Contender, enables each party an attempt to strive forward and time to reassess its position within a very ‘modern’ dilemma, all on the same rhythmic beat as the changing world in which we live.
There is no doubt that our leaders falter, the process is far from perfect and there will always be significant restructuring required, but as long as such development remains a possibility there will always be hope.
Conservative, Labour/Democratic, Republican. If the leadership is achieving all I expect and at least some of what I hope, then would it not be a sensible move to always vote for them again? If change is required then change will have my favour. I have no party nor do have a strong desire to be associated with one, I hope that perhaps someday soon my political fuse will be lit, but in the mean time I can live safe in the knowledge that the process itself continues to serve its purpose.
Thursday, 16 August 2007
The String & The Bowling Ball
I'm almost certainly sure that at some point during my lifetime I will discover time travel. It must all have started during my childhood. 'Future Me' must have popped in, planting the seeds of curiosity. I never actually met me; we were never introduced, but it happened, he was there. I mean I never actually met the tooth fairy but there's no doubt she was real. Real enough to punish me for my low quality molars, the tight-fisted wench.
Friends returning from their nocturnal expliots having exchanged tooth for silver and what do I get? Polo's, fucking Polo's. Elephants are rolling about in the isles laughing at the bum deal dealt me. Now whilst no ivory, my pearly whites deserved better. Fucking bitch!
Time Travel. Yes. Right, so 'Future Me' and me in a room.
"Hello", we most certainly would have said. "Now don't worry about the ins and outs of it at the mo, but just for future reference make sure you've always got a long length of string and a bowling ball handy; otherwise we'll never be able to crack this 'Time Continuing Alter State' thingy. But, but that's neither here nor there, not to worry, just remember STRING and BOWLING BALL............. Oh and you might want to consider learning Mandarin".
'Future Me' would have been interupted at this point by the freight train which always made a pass about now. Grabbing hold of the house and shaking us every fucking evening. I hated that train.
"Wow, this is crazy. Shit on a stick if I havent just cracked it! Right, Tally Hoo must dash, things to do people to eat. Take care....... i really have always been beautiful".
[an apparent side effect of time travel being the emergence of wankerish diction]
And that would have been that; the seed is sewn. Life existing only to discover that which im already aware of. All the while, humoring parents more than happy to cater for my apparent obsession with the Megabowl. I really fucking hated Megabowl.
So anyway, thanks for that. Adding yet another unwanten hinderance to my every waking thought. And why a fucking bowling ball? I hate that ball. School, university, work, dates; everyone making quite the reasonable assumption that any man so obsessed with a 10lb bowling ball must surely a) Display some sort of natural talent. I didnt. And b) Be everso slightly mad. That one is open to debate.
"Yeah, accident when I was 13, terrible; fingers all smashed up. Can't make the shape anymore"......... "Yeah, yeah heartbroken, really fucking gutted you know? Was that my chance? My opportunity to shine? And now we'll never know; all because of some crazy milkman with an attitude"
"Ball's just a reminder really, of the good times. Gets me through you know............?"
"Yeah sorry, i'll have a Double Cheeseburger".
Oh the shame! It's too much.
And how excactly does this whole 'Time Bundle' come together? It's a bowling ball and it's some string. And that's it. In what possible manner can they ever combine to form a reasonable theory, relative or otherwise?
Future Me is laughing quite a lot. Future Me is a cunt
Friends returning from their nocturnal expliots having exchanged tooth for silver and what do I get? Polo's, fucking Polo's. Elephants are rolling about in the isles laughing at the bum deal dealt me. Now whilst no ivory, my pearly whites deserved better. Fucking bitch!
Time Travel. Yes. Right, so 'Future Me' and me in a room.
"Hello", we most certainly would have said. "Now don't worry about the ins and outs of it at the mo, but just for future reference make sure you've always got a long length of string and a bowling ball handy; otherwise we'll never be able to crack this 'Time Continuing Alter State' thingy. But, but that's neither here nor there, not to worry, just remember STRING and BOWLING BALL............. Oh and you might want to consider learning Mandarin".
'Future Me' would have been interupted at this point by the freight train which always made a pass about now. Grabbing hold of the house and shaking us every fucking evening. I hated that train.
"Wow, this is crazy. Shit on a stick if I havent just cracked it! Right, Tally Hoo must dash, things to do people to eat. Take care....... i really have always been beautiful".
[an apparent side effect of time travel being the emergence of wankerish diction]
And that would have been that; the seed is sewn. Life existing only to discover that which im already aware of. All the while, humoring parents more than happy to cater for my apparent obsession with the Megabowl. I really fucking hated Megabowl.
So anyway, thanks for that. Adding yet another unwanten hinderance to my every waking thought. And why a fucking bowling ball? I hate that ball. School, university, work, dates; everyone making quite the reasonable assumption that any man so obsessed with a 10lb bowling ball must surely a) Display some sort of natural talent. I didnt. And b) Be everso slightly mad. That one is open to debate.
"Yeah, accident when I was 13, terrible; fingers all smashed up. Can't make the shape anymore"......... "Yeah, yeah heartbroken, really fucking gutted you know? Was that my chance? My opportunity to shine? And now we'll never know; all because of some crazy milkman with an attitude"
"Ball's just a reminder really, of the good times. Gets me through you know............?"
"Yeah sorry, i'll have a Double Cheeseburger".
Oh the shame! It's too much.
And how excactly does this whole 'Time Bundle' come together? It's a bowling ball and it's some string. And that's it. In what possible manner can they ever combine to form a reasonable theory, relative or otherwise?
Future Me is laughing quite a lot. Future Me is a cunt
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