First of all, It’s important to establish, the following story probably shouldn’t be laughed at. In fact, on first glance, it really is quite horrific. Yet here we are laughing. Why?
Imagination.
Probably best to let one of the papers explain. ‘Sacked Indian staff beat boss to death’ (Guardian). That’s 63 staff, all arrested. Plus a further 70 odd facing charges of disturbing the peace.
So just to clarify. That’s over 130 men against 1. In a car park with metal bars. Which is just bad.
And yet, consider this. Lets make a movie. Lets put Will Ferrell in as the leading protagonist, lets keep it in India but replace the metal bars with dead fish.
This is sticking it to the man.
I stole a stapler once. This isn’t.
Thought it best to mix things up a little with a topic that might best be described as ‘out of the box’. Something new, relatively untouched yet as deserving of our attention as any other story today.
And so, without further ado, I introduce you to: The Credit Crunch.
‘Things can only get much worse’
YYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
The Independent Independent finally find themselves in apocalyptic heaven as at last, another iceberg has melted!
YYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
The shackles are off. No longer will they hide in the shadows, tied down under literary constraint with nothing better to embellish than a little financial disharmony. Not for them the ailing fortunes of a few bankers.
Whilst we’re talking about it, lets talk about it. Apparently we can expect a nuclear winter as ‘millions of tons’ of methane gas will soon be released into the atmosphere. Lets be honest, the details mean little. Just to know our little drummer boys are happy at last, free to point fingers at us from their pedestals once again.
Welcome back. We’ve missed you terribly.
The competitive rivalry between Japanese scientists and the Times newspaper, is the world's worst kept secret, we all remember that awful mess a few years back, but things have just gone up a gear. From what I can gather, whilst sat in some smoky men’s club in Barnstable, drunk, stuck in a conversation running dry for inspiration, Times bet Japan they couldn’t build an elevator to the moon.
Swear to god, totally true. No April fools, check the date.
Grandpa Telegraph can’t compete today. He’s having a nap instead.
The Daily Mail is worried about Immigrants and The Sun has some breasts on page 3
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