Tim Tim Tim. It seems this midnight fumble we’ve called a love affair is finally coming to an end.
Our little lame duck has finally given up trying to fly, the weight upon his shoulders too heavy a burden. “The first human being called Tim to achieve anything at all” says the guardian in polite applause for the man that made semi-finals day at Wimbledon the closest thing to an orgasm that most British women will get.
All together now: ‘Go Tiger Tim Tiger Pump Fist!’
“Cartoons labelled food villains” screams the Guardian in an attempt to out Daily Mail the Daily Mail. Children everywhere tucking into their breakfast cereal in front of the ‘Cheese Demon’ and the ‘Asparagus Mangler’.
Frightening.
Serious Report time as apparently the longer it takes for you to get to hospital, the less likely you are to get better. Which I’m sure you’ll agree is a turn up for the books. Unless of course you’re David Cameron who according to the Times, is all over this little issue, promising a “bare-knuckle fight’ in response. Which is nice.
Like a student on assignment day, the Times deem it completely reasonable to start ‘copy and pasting’ articles from yesterday’s Telegraph as Mexico receives a warning of stormy times ahead. “Rare category 5” stormy at that.
The Independent, as bemused as the rest of us report on David Cameron’s plea to the nation, urging Britons to face up to their fears as ‘anarchy’ hits the UK. Now I can’t speak for an entire nation, but having just popped outside I can safely report no signs of anarchy just yet. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have just trotted by though, but I doubt it’s related.
Grandpa Telegraph takes it a step further with a new Tory response to the outbreak of violence, asking families along with their values to take to the street in an attempt to quell this rising storm. Crack teams of four roaming the streets looking to teach crime a lesson with a family dinner and a game of Scrabble; The A-Team it is not.
The Daily Mail is worried about Immigrants and the Sun has some Breasts on page 3.
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