Ancient legend has it that somewhere deep beneath Independent Towers, some 53 steps below the wine cellar, guarded by rabid dogs, you will find a vault.
And in this vault, so the legend goes, there are just the few remaining articles tucked safely away under dust. Articles with which to grab us by the bollocks, stare deep into our eyes and scare the crap out of us. Hand picked for those days when the war just doesn’t cut it any longer, when disease fails to arrive and when Global warming seems just a little bit tepid.
Sadly, the key was misplaced long ago. Blindfolded, the dart takes aim at the map.
‘Switzerland: Europe’s heart of darkness?’. Right, well thanks for that, now I know.
The Guardian is so desperate for this week to end. On the edge, we expect them to break at any moment. Throw enough mud in enough faces and surely some will stick; surely…
‘Foot and mouth reports blame drains at ‘shabby’ lab site’. Not the builders then, as someone may have suggested earlier in the week. Nor the cows, or the passing circus, the local tramp or the Polish.
No, this time the Guardian if confident. ‘Was probably spread by leaking drains’, ‘it’s now pretty clear’ that the outbreak started at the lab.
Cold hard facts are hard to dispute
‘Where’s the sex?’
My sentiments exactly Grandpa, my sentiments exactly.
‘Should the old lady do more to ease this crisis?’ Actually, I’d rather she didn’t if it’s all the same to you.
Times Head Boy is far too busy today. World Cup Rugger, hurrah!. What TVs were made for.
‘We should all cherish Ann Widdecombe’ (Independent). No Terrence Blacker, we shouldn’t.
The Daily Mail is worried about immigrants and the Sun has some breasts on page 3.
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